Ambivalence: The New Adrenaline

One time in band camp...just kidding. (my band camp wasn't THAT fun).

I remember how I felt when I recieved my acceptance letter to Saint Louis in Madrid. I had spent all of my senior year in Costa Rica desperately wanting to get away from my miserable life there. I was nervous, but excited. Full of courage, yet I was scared. I hated being at home, but I loved my family so much. There is something about moving on to something new that is so exciting. The uncertainty of my future. The feeling of being lost, not knowing where you are. The thought of that that streets you just spent an hour wandering through will someday become as familiar as the lines on the palms of your hands. Pulling that strange level that flushes the toilet will not seem strange. In the beginning, everything is a challenge. Your mission is Life.

I enjoy getting lost. I like feeling like a foreigner. I like spending 10 minutes trying to find out how to let myself into my building. I spent my first week being unable to find my friend's residence hall, even though it ended up being just one street over and on the way to school! There is somthing about that new glowing feeling you get when you're in a new place that's addicting. We have to keep in mind that, as much as I've moved around, I've never spent a considerable amount of time in a country that I didn't speak the language. So, I've been lucky that way. I did however spend a month in Belgium visiting my friend Yumiko and had a really tough time ordering a donut and a fast food restaurant. There is something really appealing about not knowing where you will be next year. Or knowing where you will be but not what you'll be doing. Or knowing both of those but having no idea what to expect.

It took about a year from start to finish to plan this move to Ausralia. Nothing really has really gone according to plan, but it has ben great nonetheless. The older I get and the more responisble I think I need to be, the more I find out that you can plan everything. Plans always end up working in strange ways. Next year I could be teaching ESL in rural Bolivia. Going to the corner shop in a small town in northern Bulgaria to buy fresh cheese. Spending some of my nights watching the millions of stars under the Uzbekistan sky. Anywhere, but a stuffy office trying eavesdropping on the the coversation going on in the cubicle next to mine about the OC. I also won't be eating any bugs.

There's nothing better than having a partner in crime that dabbles in ambivalence. I've got all the structure I need and it eats strawberry granola and crumpets for breakfast.